Crazy little thing called life

"Little girls don't dream of growing up and having their kids via IVF"
~Unknown

Since my last post, there has been a lot happen. I've sat down several times to try to record what is going on in our lives. Funny, how I don't seem to be at a loss when I am talking about it in person, but when I am forced to sit and come face-to-face with my deepest thoughts on the subject, it is harder to get my brain to cooperate.

On the 9th of last month, we had our first appointment with the fertility specialist at Tulsa Fertility Center. We went in to the appointment prepared to discuss adopting sperm from a donor at a bank. We were resigned to the fact that we would never be able to have our own kids. That we were at the point of considering sperm adoption means that we had run the gambit, and been through the ringer emotionally. Being able to have a child that was biologically mine was a blessing, but we were mourning the loss of "our" child. Back at the clinic, we anxiously sat in the Dr.s office, not sure what to expect. After the pleasantries were dispensed, the Dr. got down to business.

He stated that he would not "beat around the bush" with us. (which was a relief considering what we had been through already) Within minutes, we learned that we would indeed be able to have our own kids, and that we would get started immediately. I am sure other things were said during that visit, and I know we talked about the procedure, etc. but my mind was reeling. "I'm going to have a baby! I'm going to have Cameron's baby! WE are going to have OUR baby!" Somehow, I managed to hold it together as we paid for the visit and got an appointment set up for the following morning. (Although, according to Cam, I was anything but composed) As soon as we were outside the clinic, I let go. I started to cry, and I continued to do so off and on for the remainder of that day. I had family and friends who were aware of our appointment, and were calling me to ask about it, and I was only too happy to have the excuse to talk about the miracle that had happened in our lives. I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY!! Sometimes that statement still gives me chills.

Here I sit, a month later, $17,000.00 poorer, 10+ vials of blood gone, and a pile of medicines on my counter and in my fridge that could stock a pharmacy. ...and I couldn't be happier. Of course, I nearly fainted when said blood was drained, vial after vial, and I did nearly pass out during patient orientation, when they showed us how to administer the shots, but I am incredibly happy to even have this opportunity. Yes, I have already gained weight, and my skin has never been in such a state of blemish before, all due to the birth control they have me on (seems strange, but it's the first step)BUT I am HAPPY. I am happy to go through the shots, and one invasive, embarrassing ultrasound after another if it means I will get to have a child.

It's funny really, one of the stated side effects of IVF is... PREGNANCY. (DER!!!) However, contrary to popular belief, Dr.s do not toss 15 embryos into you and hope for the best. Their goal in IVF is "Pregnancy, not lots of babies." Our Dr. will only implant 1-2 embryos (fully fertilized eggs - babies)at a time. "No one needs more than two babies at one time." I am relieved I won't end up with five babies, but I have to admit, that I am fully hoping for twins. Yes, the obvious answer to my reasoning is "two for the price of one." We can't afford this procedure more than once. Even more than that, I have always wanted to have twins. I was a nanny of sorts for a set of twins all through high school. They were at our house from 7am to sometimes 7pm, 5 days a week, and occasionally on the weekends if their parents needed a sitter. Those little girls stole my heart entirely. I experienced a small dose of motherhood by watching them. I was thrown up on, pooped and peed on, loved on, and we had many snuggle sessions, rocking and reading books or singing songs. They pretty much ruined me for life. Twins don't run in my family. There was no way I would ever have them. In steps infertility and ...IVF... and TWINS!

I think of myself as a pretty creative person, but that nerd side of my brain has a very strong presence in my life as well. I LOVE research and knowing things, so stats, and hard numbers relating to my fertility journey are just about as good as it gets. Here is the breakdown for you number crunchers like me:
Chances of a positive pregnancy the first round, based on my age and health: 60%
Chances of both babies developing to term, and having twins: 30-40%
Ill take those odds. Yes, for a short time, I WILL be pregnant with twins, and it will be an AWESOME joy. I know that I may loose one, and that there are risks involved, etc. but I am, for the moment, choosing to look at only the positive. I have a chance of having twins. (There has to be a reason I was given this large, sturdy frame of a body)

For those of you who want to see what I will be going through this upcoming month, here is some information for you. ENJOY!



Here is a TIMELINE of what we will be doing.