Crazy little thing called life

"I may be crazy, but it keeps me from going insane"
-Waylon Jennings

I am 25 years old, married, and have a good job, where I am relatively importnat in my small corner of the company. What drives me crazy is that point at the corner of my dreams and reality. Sometimes they collide, and I am thrown for a loop. Where do I really exist in the daily activities of my life? What am I meant to be? What am I supposed to do? I am sure you remember as a child wanting to be a ballerina one week, and a super hero the next. Two completely different skill sets are required for both occupations. I am sure most ballerinas do not have x-ray vision, and I am positive that the Hulk would look pretty silly in a tutu. Does that mean that there is no room for those two worlds to collide? What would it look like if I took all my dreams and meshed them up into one bundle? Of course, the answer is simply Life. But what does that mean? What does that look like? I obviously can't run a photography studio, be a successful author, run an art gallery, Be a super crafter, open a kitchen gadget store, and be a professional stage performer all at the same time.

I have recently been struggling with my life, and what my role is to be. What character am I to be playing for most of my waking hours? All of us have many roles, but the primary one is usually what we are defined by. Hopefully, we throughly enjoy that role, and revel in that definition. What if you do not claim a primary role? What if your life is as ADD as your mother claims you are? Most of my friends are happily playing the role of mother, which requires so many sub-roles that they are to busy to even think about their definition. Unfortunately, even though I would love to play that role myself, it is just not in the cards for my husband and me. With that viod in my heart, I have been trying to fill it, and I have not landed on any one thing that seems to jive. Of course, I adore being a wife to my awesomely wonderful husband. He is such a kid at heart that sometimes I feel as though I am a mother of a very big boy. But, despite Cam's playful personality and love of practical jokes, he is pretty independent, and does not need me as much I need to give.

Having throughly gone through the process of trying to figure this out, I have come to one conclusion. I will never figure it out. No matter what your role, you are always thinking, what if, and could it be different. Since I am not going to be decorating a nursery any time soon, or trying to decide which brand of rash cream has the highest ratings, I am making the consious decision to not dewll on the what if's. Just because I did not get the role that I had been wanting, that does not mean that my acting carrerr is over. No, I do not have to be the best in all of the fields that I love, but I will give it a shot and see if I can at least hit the target. I may not open a bakery, but I can try new recipees and make cam be my gunea pig. I may never get to be a published author, but I will blog about this crazy life I lead, and maybe you too will see how ADD I can be.