Crazy Little Thing Called...??

Friends, I’ve been trying to find the right words to share what’s going on with my family right now. I have shared with a few people, but have not 'gone public' with our struggle. We are in the process of (what we hope ISN'T) a cancer scare. Right now we don't have an exact name for what we are facing.  Life really is crazy. The strangest things happen and we just have to roll with the punches. Right now, those punches really hurt, but I know we will make it through this.

As I am struggling with how to present this information, I will just steal some of the messages I have sent out over the last couple of weeks. This is a compilation of notes to family and friends with a few explanations thrown in for your benefit. I hope it isn't too disjointed. Let's call it Letters from Jess, a Journey of Hope. (Or, something way less dramatic. I don't know 😀) 

Written on August 6th, 2018:

I've been sick lately- since before the baby was born. We knew it was thyroid. I have a goiter/ tumor and many of the symptoms of thyroid cancer, which google confirmed. (for better or worse, I can’t stay off of the computer - I’m quite the thyroid expert now. ) We were hoping it was wrong and I would get better. However, I had an ultrasound on Friday {August 3rd}. Cam watched the procedure and said that even to his untrained eyes, it was obvious there was something growing that wasn’t thyroid tissue. The sonographer, although professional, was very somber when she asked me how long I’ve had the growth. You could hear concern in her voice.
The ultrasound results came back today. The dr said they were “very irregular”. And that I have an “extensive” tumor on my right side of my thyroid. It’s 3+cm, which means it’s too large to just cut out or to try to shrink with medication. The tumor is “both fibrous and fluid filled." I haven’t officially been diagnosed, but the dr used the word cancer several times during our conversation. (And we know a dr wouldn’t do so without fully believing that’s what it was.) She said she had been in a consult with a good ENT before calling me, and was communicating what they had discussed. The next steps are a consultation with the ENT and probably a biopsy. I will most likely have at least the right side of my thyroid removed.
I’m going to okc tomorrow to see a naturopath dr for a full blood work panel. I have an appointment with the ENT later in the month. Hopefully we will know more soon.
There is no good cancer, but if there were one, thyroid is 'the kind to get.' Removing the thyroid isn’t life threatening. I’m a bit emotional about it all, but wasn’t shocked when the dr suggested the possibility. We are feeling a little discouraged right now, but we are not without hope. We have praying friends and family who have been lifting us up. I was anointed for healing and prayed over tonight. God knows all. Nothing is a surprise to Him.
We still have a lot of questions and not so many answers. I know those will come in time. I know they might not all be answers we want to hear, but we will be ok. We know where our faith lies. 

Written on August 7th, 2018:

I’m feeling ok right now. I’ve got weak/ dizzy moments and get tired easily, but I’m able to do anything. I’m on a strict no grain/ sugar/ carb diet, to reduce inflammation and sugar in my body. Because of this I’m dropping weight pretty quickly and that makes me feel better in a different way. {dropping baby weight is a total bonus!!} Eating like that is the hardest part at this time. I my CARBS!!

Written later on August 7th, 2018:

My appointment {With Dr. Mary, a naturopath in OKC} was good today. She ordered an extensive blood test (five vials of blood!) and prayed healing “from her head to her toes” and that she would know the best way to help me.  She confirmed that if the biopsy confirms cancer, at least it’s the ‘good’ cancer to have and we can beat it. She wants to get me detoxed from all the chemicals and synthetic hormones I’ve been pumped full of. {Because of going through IVF and all that entails} She gave orders to continue with a zero grain and sugar diet, as well as applying the oils I’ve been using. She said I had a good attitude, which will help with everything. (That was nice to hear)
I go back on the 28th for my follow up appointment. {They have allowed me to do a phone follow up, so I don't have to drive back to OKC.} We will know much more at that time. She also thought F was adorable. {OF COURSE SHE DID! 😃}

Written on August 21st, 2018:

I like Dr. Reeder. He said his wife is a “hippy chiropractor” and he thinks we would be friends. 😁
He put in STAT orders for a biopsy with ultrasound. That could happen as early as this week, or it could be up to two weeks. 
He has a plan to remove the right lobe of my thyroid, he is submitting the request to insurance to get that process started. He won’t move forward with anything though until we get the biopsy results back. {3 to 5 days after the procedure} He said it was a large lump. Because of the size, etc. the chance of a false negative cancer result is a concern. (Tiny needle/ sample vs. a large lump) He said, "if you were my wife or sister, I would want you to have the lump (right thyroid lobe) removed."
He is going to go ahead and schedule the surgery, just to get it on the books. They will call me soon for that. 
He said here is about a 30% chance, {google tells me it's more like a 40% chance. I've GOT to get away from the internet!} even in a perfect operation that the nerve to the vocal cord will get messed up (even just touching it can mess it up - he said it doesn't even like being looked at.) and I will be horse temporarily or even permanently. My cyst (growth, tumor... I've heard all of these terms used.) is located basically right over the nerve that controls my voice. 
IF the biopsy comes back as cancerous, we will remove the entire thyroid and also do the radioactive iodine to kill any thyroid cells remaining in the body. When removing both sides, there is a chance of paralyzing the vocal cords because of the touchy nerve mentioned above. If this happens, I will have to permanently breathe out of a trachea. {We realize that this is the worst case example and are believing that this will not be the case for us.} 
After my surgery, I will have a scar about 3” wide in the middle of my neck. {I'm so vain. I have scheduled family pictures to be taken before I have surgery, just so I don't have a big scar in my pictures. 😊}
If they take out just half, I will not have to take meds or anything. I can function with just half of the thyroid and two of the parathyroid glands. If they take out both lobes, I will have to take calcium and a synthetic hormone for the rest of my life. 
The Dr. was pretty matter-of-fact, and presented a plan that made me confident in him. Cam and I both left there feeling pretty good about our future. It was a lot to take in just over 30 minutes, but we left with most of our questions answered. We were encouraged to contact his office with any questions we had. 
He also took a loot at my ears while I was in the office, and he discovered a ton of scar tissue in my right ear and a hole in my right ear drum, as well as a lot of swelling in my nose. We will be fixing those things at some point in the future - just not now. 

They called to schedule the biopsy today{August 23rd}. We have a 9:30 appointment in the morning. I am so thankful that we have three doctors on our team (so far) who all seem very capable and who are on the ball. We had to wait a while to get the initial appointment with the ENT, but that was only because our appointment was the first opening he had. Dr. Reeder is actually primarily a head and neck surgeon and is THE one we would want to be operating on me.

We appreciate your prayers for our family as we fight this new and uncertain battle. So far I have been pretty positive about it all, but the longer this draws on, the more nervous I get. I've got a lot of fears and I have a lot of things I need answers for, but I know that my Father is bigger than those fears. I know I have hope in Him and that's incredibly comforting.

I would like to thank the friends and family who have supported me (us) during this time. I have had phone calls, texts, offers of help, words of encouragement and many, MANY prayers being lifted up all over the country. I have felt and seen the Lord working through this situation. I wouldn't ask for infertility, or for thyroid disease, or for a cancer scare, or for a horrible wreck, but Cam and I have been through all of these things, and have been able to see the hand of God through them. My story is not over. I know that, and I am confident everything will work out.