We Lied ...er... Changed Our Minds

This is the blog post I have been dreaming of writing - and yet the one I am at a loss for words with.
I have sat and contemplated what to say, how to communicate the story and what funny quips I will use. I am still drawing a blank. My heart is bursting with so many feelings and thoughts that my brain is overwhelmed and a little confused.

We said we wouldn't do a home test before our Beta on Monday.

We lied ...er... changed our minds. 

As I said in my last blog post, which was WAY too long ago, I have not had time to write proper blog entries, so I have been doing shorter posts over on the Facebook page. I should do a summary blog post at some point, but today is not that day. 

Let me begin my story with the end, or rather, the new beginning. I took a test last night and it was positive. After all the treatments and heartache and waiting, we finally got two encouraging pink lines that made my tired heart soar. I am still in shock that I am actually pregnant and moving past this infertility. 

We had our transfer at noon on Thursday, September 7th. Everything went well and two excellent embryos were welcomed home. I thought I was imagining things, but I was convincingly nauseous on 2dp transfer (Saturday) and was encouraged and hoped this was a good sign. 

Every day after that I experienced more and more symptoms, including a two day period of a metabolism that would not shut down. I lost four lbs in two days and could NOT get my body to cool down or stop sweating. The reading I did said this was most likely a surge in HCG. 

Fast forward to yesterday. We said we were  not going to test early, but I was MISERABLE. No matter how much sleep I got, I needed more. I was nauseous, I swear my stomach was actually bigger and I had been having cramps that would take my breath away. I knew I had to be pregnant, but I wasn't 100% sure. The not knowing was torture. Were these things I was experiencing signs of pregnancy, the medications, or simply my brain and heart creating symptoms because I wanted it so badly? 

Every hour or so I was googling another version of the phrase "earliest pregnancy symptoms" or something similar. It got to the point that I actually broke google. Nothing it could throw at me was new or even reassuring any more. The anxiety of feeling like I was about half crazy was wearing on me. (On top of what we now know were actually real pregnancy symptoms) 

We (OK, I) decided to take a test. I knew that evening was not the best time to test, but I live dangerously. At 8:30p last night I took that first pregnancy test. It showed positive in less than 30 seconds. H had followed me into the bathroom and I said, "Yes! I'm pregnant!" He then danced around saying, "Pregnant! Pregnant!" He got to tell his daddy (and then his grandmas) that mommy was REALLY going to have a baby. I even put a 'big brother' shirt on him and made it a fun little celebration. 

Cam wasn't 100% convinced by the test, but the two subsequent tests, both positive, have made him a believer. 

Today I have felt like I am not quite myself. I am on a little bit of a happy high and in a fog of disbelief. The fatigue that won't go away sure isn't helping with these feelings. 

Last night and today I got to talk about my pregnancy. I got to talk about my babies. For the first time they were not hypothetical conversations or 'what if' scenarios. We got to tell close friends and family our news and it was thrilling for me. My due date of May 25th (May 5th if we have twins) isn't just a set of dates I will forget, they are life changing dates for our family. 

We go back to the clinic on Monday the 18th to confirm pregnancy with a blood test. Once we get the results from the clinic we will be scheduled for our next appointments, which include an ultrasound around six weeks (We are 4+1 right now) to determine if we have twins or not. 

We want to thank you for the many prayers and all the love that has been sent our way through this process. Keep 'em coming! The hard part has just started.