Looking at the sleeping face of my son, I feel so inadequate for such a huge task

"The Son of God became a man to enable men to become sons of God."
~C.S. Lewis

I wrote this two years ago after a long first month of taking care of my infant son. Never before had Christmas felt so real to me. As I was laying in bed writing this on my phone I was in awe of how close I truly felt to God because of my new role as a mother. 

Merry Christmas friends! 

•   •   •   •   •   •

This Christmas has so much more meaning for me now that Henry is here. When I was pregnant with him, I was in awe of the miracle growing inside me. The kind of love a parent has for a child is understandable, but not fully comprehended until you are a parent. 

Being a mom is an incredible joy, and a huge responsibility. That Mary was chosen to be the mother of God's Son is amazing. She and Joseph kissed the face of God, changed his diapers, and held tiny fragile hands that would perform miracles. 

A parent dreams of what their child will become, and hopes they can train them, and give them the best version of themselves they can be. Looking at the sleeping face of my son, I feel so inadequate for such a huge task, and I can imagine Mary, on similar long nights, feeding a fussy Jesus who finally falls asleep on her Brest. It's dark, and she is alone and having an incredibly intimate moment, listening to the sleeping sounds, feeling the tiny movements and watching the sleeping face of God.
The phrase, "Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart" has so much more depth of meaning as a parent. 

Finally, I think of the sacrifice God made for me. He sent his Son to die an incredibly painful death, that I can have eternal life with Him. Again, that sacrifice is not lost on any human. Before becoming a parent, it is a powerful thing that God did this. After becoming a parent, it's unimaginable. 

Even being God, and knowing how it would turn out, to know what he would suffer as a sacrifice would be torture. Even as much as I love my friends and family, if I was asked to give Henry over to certain death to save them, I'm almost positive I could not do it. 

The gift of love God gave us on that first Christmas is enough to bring me to my knees. It changed the world, and brought hope and love to mankind. This Christmas my heart is full with the knowledge of that gift. I hope it remains that way far beyond December 25th.