Guess what!?!? Ready or not... Or not.

WARNING: TMI POST AHEAD! 

Today started out as any other day. I cleaned the house, got dressed, went on some errands and planned to do some Christmas shopping.  At the first store we went to, I had to use the restroom. One second I was fine and the next, I HAD to get to the bathroom. 

This is never a fun thing with a toddler in tow, but you do what you have to do. Soon, I discovered, Merry Christmas, Hallelujah - I had started my period! The one time in my life I was glad to see red. 

As happens every month, once my brain knows I have started my cycle, my body immediately begins to display symptoms. I get that nauseating, cramping feeling and start to need ALL the food. Of course, all this began immediately upon discovering I had started. I knew I would be starting soon, as I have been having a few PMS symptoms, but I'm actually a couple of days earlier than expected. 

As I was sitting there, realizing I didn't have a tampon or anything in my purse, my first thought was to scream "YES!", that it had finally arrived. The wait was over. My second thought was to question the reality of this 'gift'. 

One thing no one warned me about when I was TTC our first son was the little gift that pregnancy and child birth gives some mothers. Hemorrhoids. I had a mild case right after H was born and then never had them again, until two years later. I have been battling them for over a month now and quite frankly, they are a gift I want Santa to take back.

Sometimes, these little varicose veins rupture and there is bleeding. (I warned you, this is a TMI post)  Despite all the obvious signs that indicated a period, my body and my brain were at war trying to decide what was actually happening. When you are waiting to start your IVF cycle, you question everything, even your own body, and this is no exception. 

I left the store, and called DH. "Guess what!?!? Ready or not, I started my period!!!" He was excited and we talked for a moment about what the next step was before I added, "Or, I have a bleeding hemorrhoid..." I'm sure he thinks I am crazy for not knowing the difference and I might actually agree with him. 

So here I am, a couple of hours later, still having the internal debate. Do I call the office and let them know I started, so I can schedule my appointment for tomorrow? Should I wait it out and not call about a false alarm? What happens if I don't call now and I don't get an appointment for my ultrasound?! 

The ultrasound... Not just any ultrasound, but the transvaginal ultrasound. The most uncomfortable and embarrassing kind, made even more embarrassing by being on your period. Yes, my friends, there are many such gross and embarrassing things that happen during an IVF cycle, and this is just the tip of the disgusting iceberg. 

The reason for it is to check the ovaries and measure the thickness of the lining and make sure everything is as it should be at this point in my cycle. They will also be doing blood work too to verify my hormone levels and checking to make sure I have no cysts and to see how many resting follicles (eggs) I have at the beginning of my cycle. All of this sets the stage for the actual IVF procedure that will be taking place in January. Based on this appointment, they will determine what medications I will have to be on and what dosages I will have to take. 

BUT, none of this can happen until I determine if I am actually on my period. Here's to all my fellow IVF mamas who question their own bodies and who understand why this is driving me insane.

For now, I am going to try to forget about it and go and snuggle with my toddler. We have a tractor book waiting for us. At least getting to hold and love on my son is something wonderful I can do to pass the time until I know for sure what the heck my body is up to. 


**UPDATE**
9:45pm - The flow is a no show.
Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.