Let's Normalize The Infertility Conversation

I debated sharing this picture because, well, let's be honest... It isn't very flattering. I could pick my body apart and complain about those love handles. However, as I looked at it, it really showed the messy reality of IVF. Nothing about it is neat and tidy. Nothing about it is flattering. If you choose to go through it you are automatically one of the toughest and bravest people I know.

The picture above is of my 'targets' Cam has to use to give me my progesterone shots. Those little squares are where I will get shots every night until March 13th. If, We get a positive pregnancy test at that point, I will continue to get nightly shots until I am 10 weeks pregnant. Those love handles will swell even more and will be covered in bumps and bruises. They will itch and be so sore clothing will sometimes hurt to wear.

I share this picture because IVF isn't pretty. Sometimes it gets messy and nothing about it is glamorous. Even when you do everything right, sometimes things go wrong. This year has taught me that like nothing else can. We had a canceled IVF cycle and we are currently clinging to hope that our little embryo in the Tulsa lab is still dividing and growing strong.

I shared earlier today in my post about our day one embryo update about my 'tribe' my wonderful support group. I can not emphasize enough the need for such a group in your life, especially if you go through something like infertility or IVF.

It is so tempting to hold everything close to the chest and not share what is going on. I mean, sex is hard to talk about. Your own body betraying you and not working the way it was designed is not only heartbreaking, but can be embarrassing. To top it off, if you do share, people automatically expect you to have the answers to questions they will have. You won't. Unless you are like me, and actually like research, most people will not have those answers. People's questions can intimidate and scare you off from sharing.

This is another reason I share this picture. I want to normalize the conversation about infertility and IVF. If you look around you, you will be shocked to find that about one couple out of every four you know probably struggle with some kind of infertility. That is a shocking number, and yet we all feel alone. We all feel like we are the only ones going through it.

Sex is so normalized in our culture. We can't escape it. I mean, they try to sell you a hamburger with it! (And there is nothing sexy about stuffing your face with a giant messy hamburger) Yet, when you talk about it in the most basic scientific terms, if you mention sperm and semen analysis, or transvaginal ultrasounds, people get embarrassed and clam up. It is difficult to speak about infertility without talking about these things. It is what it is.

Even if you do not have a large, open group whom you feel comfortable discussing these things with, please, find someone to be your ear. Find someone who will see things from the same worldview of sanctity of life and who can appreciate what you are going through. If you do not have that someone, please contact me. I will be happy to be that person for you. I will be happy to listen.

Back to the questions people ask... It is unfortunate that even at the many appointments you go to, education about your diagnosis is not something that is ever focused on. It is up to you to educate yourself about what is going on with your body. I encourage you to do so. This blog is a good place to start, but please, do not stop here. Find other sources of information and research until you feel comfortable talking about your diagnosis. When people do ask you questions, you will be prepared to answer them and it will feel good. You will feel that you have some kind of handle on your situation.

Knowing what is going will not make things turn out the way you want, but you will be able to face what you are going through armed with knowledge and you will be better prepared for what you are going to have to come up against.