The Love of God Poured Out

"And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." (NLT)

After two exhausting days, you would think that I would be sound asleep, but instead, I am awake for the 5th time since going to bed at 9:30. I have finished my third cup of water and have taken some melatonin and used lavender oil. Before they kick in, I have to tell you guys a story of God's unfailing love and how he spoke to me this weekend through a miracle and through the actions of several of his Saints.

Thursday was our Friday. Getting the news of the polyps (you can read about it here) that afternoon wasn't a good note to start out a stressful and long weekend. As much as I tried to 'be cool' about my diagnosis, and give it over to God, I was stressed about it.

I stayed up late Thursday night preparing for the garage sale we have been planning to have. I was partly dreading the alarm going off at six, so I couldn't sleep, (logical, right?) and partly, I was praying (worrying to God is more like it) about these polyps and what it could mean. Most likely they are benign. There is only an incredibly low chance there is anything more to them. ( I just can't bring myself to even type the 'C' word.) Cam and I briefly talked about 'what if' and I only voiced my concerns about it to my mom and one very close friend. Despite being incredibly busy all weekend, and not really having time to think about it much, the thought hovered over me like a little rain cloud.

The first part of this story (miracle) is that some family recently moved, and instead of giving all their stuff they didn't want to a charity of some kind, or having a garage sale themselves, they gave us ALL their stuff. It was enough (good, quality stuff for the most part) to fill up about half of our garage when packed tightly. Both our parents also gave us some of their things to sell in this big sale. They said we were helping them out by hauling their old stuff off, but I can not thank them enough for their generosity. They truly made a difference in our lives.

Garage sales are always hit and miss, but this one had a pretty constant stream of people coming in from before we were technically open the first day until we were packing it in on Saturday afternoon. There was a threat of rain, but instead of pouring down and squashing our efforts, it held off until we were completely through, had everything cleaned up and were in the middle of a celebratory Chinese buffet dinner with our best friends who had sat with us for most of the day. (we know how to have a good time!)

Despite being humid and sticky, the weekend went off without a hitch. We worked hard and got sun burned, but we made some really good money. Also, we sold every single item we had put in the garage sale. We didn't have to haul anything off, or put it in our garage and store it.

At the end, we were practically giving stuff way, and we sold some nice things for WAY less than we probably should have, but we felt good about it. Probably we were so ready for it to be over, that we were just desperate for the stuff to be gone.

When we were close to being done, a lady came in who had come the day before, and was really wanting our precious moments we had for sale. While they have value to some people, finding those people is not always easy. She knew all about them, and was still an avid collector. She was an incredibly sweet person who loved her Jesus, and her tiny personality just bubbled over. She only came up to about my rib cage, and her smile was genuine and her eyes sparkled. When she came back, I offered her every figurine (still in the box) for $5. I knew it was basically giving it away, but I wanted the to go to someone who would appreciate them and not just be donated.

She just about cried when I made the offer, and it took some assuring to let her know I was serious. She paid me with a twenty and refused the change. She said she knew that that was still a steal and that she wanted me to have it. She said that she hoped it blessed me and my sweet family. She also bought a couple more items we had.

Shortly later, we called a friend who has a booth at a local market to come buy everything we had left. We told her she could take it all for $40. We had a piece of furniture and some other things that made it a good buy for her, and it saved us from having to haul it off.

After we got her SUV loaded up, we stood on the drive talking. She told me that she had been praying for us and that she felt the Lord has spoken to her the day before. She was driving and we came to her mind. She prayed for us, and she said she felt like the Lord was telling her she needed to invest in our lives and the lives of the babies (she stressed babIES). She said that He had told her exactly how much he was to give to us.

She proceeded to hand me a $100 dollar bill, on top of the $40 she had paid us for the stuff. I refused at first, saying the things ones says. I have never been good at accepting things like that, and I never know how to react. Of course, my second response was to cry. She told me that I could not refuse HER a blessing, and that when God told her to do something, that she needed to be faithful.

She then shared her story of having a cancer scare and the removal of her cysts, and how God had worked in her life and given both her husband and her incredible peace even in the midst of surgeries and intense emotions.  We stood on my drive hugging, praying and crying. She prayed peace over the situation and over our lives. She prayed for our babies. To know we have people in our lives, even beyond family, that are praying for and even loving our babies we don't even have yet is such a sweet and awesome thing.

She told me she appreciated how I share about life and how I share my story. She affirmed that some day I will see my heavens babies and that they are (were) LIFE.

Her husband, who had been taking to Cam, stepped in and told me that sometimes God works through others and tells them to bless people, not for the physical blessing it's self, but for confirmation that He is there. For confirmation that the prayers are being heard. They affirmed that we are doing what we need to do and are following what we feel God is calling us to.

We had been praying and had asked here and in person for people to pray over the situation. We had asked for finances to work themselves out. We had been stressed about this upcoming surgery and how much we know it is going to cost in addition to all the other extra expenses of this unexpected frozen cycle.

After they left, we went inside, showered and then totaled up what we had made. After we took the starting till out, we PROFITED just over $1600.00. That is INSAINE. I have never had such a successful garage sale in my life.

Guys, GOD IS FAITHFUL. I wish I had more words, and that my oils and melatonin weren't kicking in so I could write his love for us. The lyrics from The Love Of God keep coming to mind.

The love of God is greater far

Than tongue or pen can ever tell

It goes beyond the highest star

And reaches to the lowest hell 

The guilty pair, bowed down with care

God gave His Son to win

His erring child He reconciled

And pardoned from his sin 

Could we with ink the ocean fill

And were the skies of parchment made

Were every stalk on earth a quill

And every man a scribe by trade 

To write the love of God above

Would drain the ocean dry 

Nor could the scroll contain the whole

Though stretched from sky to sky 

O love of God, how rich and pure!

How measureless and strong!

It shall forevermore endure

The saints' and angels' song

Thursday when we were at the clinic, we went ahead and paid for our actual FET procedure. We put it on our credit card so we could earn the points. It was JUST OVER $1600.00.

I am typing with tears streaming down my very tired and droopy face. I am completely overwhelmed and feel so undeserving. God provided. The donations from our family and the extra cash given to us from faithful people completely and almost exactly covered the cost of the procedure.

Yes, we still have so much coming up, but I have no doubt that He will provide for us.

We have been trying to stick to a pretty strict budget and have been using cash for everything. This cash will give us our budget money for just over three months while we are having to pay for all these unexpected expenses.

I have had prayers answered before, and I have seen miracles, but it never ceases to amaze me. Just as my friend said, This is affirmation that God is faithful and that He will take care of us. Even if I am tempted to worry, I can never forget that.

I am not glad we have medical issues that have lead us on this crazy path. I wish we didn't have to go through what we go through, but I am eternally grateful for the experiences and for the chances I have had to see God's hand at work because of it.

I don't know what the future holds. There are going to be days that I will be overwhelmed, but I feel now, more than ever, that we are doing what God has planed for us. This life is crazy and it takes twists and turns we are not expecting, but God knows all about them and isn't surprised by any of it.

Tonight I pray that each of you have a chance to be so blessed and humbled that you sit in your dark living room, soaking the front of your shirt with tears because  you just can't keep it in. My key board is wet from me wiping my tears while trying to type this.

I truly feel I was not able to sleep because I needed to put this testimony of God's love and faithfulness out there for the world to see. I am going to bed now, and hopefully I get some rest.

Good night friends, and God bless.