There IS Truth, Even If YOU Don't Want To See It

If you are alive, you have had a hard situation you have dealt with. Let's face it, life is hard. Right now, I really feel we are in the throws of one of the hardest situations. I really don't know how anyone can go through something so difficult or life-changing without having the support and encouragement of believers.

Yesterday we all had a bad day. I take that back, it wasn't so much of a bad day as an overwhelming one. H was a bit of a handful and when we finally got him to bed we collapsed onto the couch with ice cream and relief. This is a typical evening for a lot of parents, so I'm not complaining, just setting the scene.

Most days I try to squash the negative Nancy inside of me that questions all my actions and feeds the anxiety furnace in the pit of my stomach. Yesterday she was harder to silence. I began to worry (again) about being able to expand my heart to another (or more) baby. I began to question my sanity (but not my resolve) to transfer two embryos and therefore potentially adding two babies to our lives.

As I have made pretty clear in this blog, we had no intention or goal of having a large family when going into this IVF season. Our goal was a sibling (possibly two) for Henry and that was it. HOWEVER, we prayed about it, and agreed together that we would embrace, take care of and love any number of children that God had for us.

That is a key to the IVF process, no matter how you approach it, but if you are going into IVF with the view that any embryo you create is life and a child of yours, you darn well better have your goals cemented in your mind before you ever start. Go through the options of what to do with your embryos and decide early and remind yourself often of your decision.

BTW Your options are: 

• Transfer into your uterus to create life
• Transfer without medications, etc. which essentially destroys the embryos but inside you (they don't have much of a chance to actually survive)
• Adopt your embryos out to another couple
• Destroy your embryos 
• Keep paying $50/ month storage until you die

In my anxious and exhausted state, I turned to the internet for support. (I know, that's hardly ever a good idea.) I am a member of a closed group for mothers of twins. I joined recently because I was reading about other's experiences and hoping to get encouragement, etc. as I go into the process of transferring two embryos. 

I wrote about how overwhelmed I am and I asked how they did it. I asked how your heart (let alone your home) can expand to allow for two more babies at once. I gave a teeny tiny bit of our story and also stated that we are certain of our decision, but that I am having a moment and needed encouragement. 

It's funny, I know the answer to my post, and I know exactly what I wanted to hear, and I actually expected to have all positive encouragement on the post. 

Not so. 

There were a couple of encouraging posts, and one that was what I was looking for, reminding me about the hormones being pumped into me right now and that it doesn't help the situation. She reminded me that God will provide and support me, etc. That was what I needed to hear. (Even though I already knew it - I just needed to hear it from someone who had been there, done that) 

I was appalled at so many of the responses though. For every positive post, there were two telling me to just give up. They told me that if I am overwhelmed now, that I should not have more kids. Even when given the facts about the $27k spent and the 7 months invested, and the five embryos waiting for and depending on us, I was encouraged to just give it all up for my sanity and happiness. 

I went in, needing encouragement for the future that lies ahead, that I KNOW is going to be hard, and I woke up to comments telling me that I should just drop the dream. The lives hanging in the balance that we have agonized over and fought for and I have endured physical and mental torture for were so easily dismissed by these women. 

I just don't get it. Is there not anything sacred in my generation? Is there nothing worth doing, even when it is hard, exhausting and overwhelming? Do people not do things anymore out of conviction, or because it is the right thing to do? 

The philosophy that one's happiness is paramount to all else is so incredibly flawed and actually sickening. In this specific situation, it was suggested that I just abandon my children to fate while I ditch everything I have been working for, because it was going to be hard. 

That is the response the world gives. No wonder millennials are dropping out of church in record numbers. No wonder we are seeing a surge in unemployed vagrants who don't want to "give up and work for the man at a corporate job." (actually quoted from an episode of tiny house hunters I just saw recently) No wonder this generation has a hard time recognizing and embracing truth.

Without a safe place to ask questions, where truth and scripture are used, garbage advice is given. The will of the masses bends minds and sways hearts. Satan uses that mindset to convince people there is no truth and to justify a selfish and self-serving lifestyle. 

Waking up to these comments not only appalled me but made my heart SO sad. It put me in a bad mood and I was short with my husband before he left for work. I am calling him as soon as I am through here to apologize for my attitude this morning. 

I just don't understand it. I don't get it at all. 

In the end, truth will prevail. Truth will win. Morals that change and bend with the changing fashions and follow the wind will come to an end. God can not be stopped by the will of the masses. Truth can not be stopped. 

We will live by our convictions, convinced we are doing what is right, even though we know it is going to be incredibly difficult. I may have breakdowns, I may need lots of encouragement and hugs, but we will do it and we will get through it with God's help and with the support of our friends and family who also believe in truth.