Adult friendships are hard. Like, REALLY hard.

"...I'm already divided between a husband, two kids, my job, my chores and the 10 minutes I desperately wish I had to unwind. If we could skip the small talk and fall in friendship-at-first-sight, I might have a chance at that Carrie Bradshaw gaggle of besties. Until then, I'll be the one at the movies by myself, hoping an equally lonely 30-something with great shoes plops down beside me."
~Ashley Austrew

Making friends has never been easy for me. Some would blame it on being homeschooled, but I can say with confidence that is not the reason. I am ...unique? I'm the introverted extrovert who puts on the good show for a crowd but tends to hold people at arm's length. I'm just odd. I have a fun, but twisted personality and very few people earn the right to be a part of my inner circle. I'm the quiet one they always say to watch out for. Once I feel comfortable enough around someone to unleash all the wonderfulness I have inside, they might not be able to handle it.

I've had some very close, fantastic friendships over the years and I still treasure those people, but as much as I want to cling to my college friendships or to my high school ones even, they were for a season, and THAT'S OK. Not every friendship, even the really good ones, are meant to last a lifetime. This is a hard-learned lesson for me. Once I do let you onto my world enough to really know me, my expectation is that you remain there forever. Many tears have been shed over the years when those expectations have not been met.

Actually, that expectation has only held up once for me. I met my closest adult friend when I was in third grade. Despite not living near one another since adolescence and only actually seeing one another in person a hand full of times since then, she is my person. She gets me. We are the same kid of weird and twisted. Despite being raised apart, we are eerily similar in many ways. There was a brief time when as adults we only lived an hour apart. This was heaven. I got to know her kids and husband and really fall in love with her family - right before she moved across the country.

My experience of an absentee best friend has warped my ability to have close friendships with people near me. I don't know what it is to have a friend just drop by to see me. I've only met a friend for coffee twice in my adult years and I've never kept a friend's kids. For that matter, Because they live across the state, I've never even kept my own sister's kids. Shoot, with the exception of my absentee friend, I haven't even gone shopping with a friend since college. My expectation of a perfect friendship is the ability to send a text, rather it is good, bad, happy, sad, or simply a picture of how incredibly horrible I look that day, and expect an appropriate, gratifying response and reciprocation. As a person who has known me 99% of my life, I can be as weird as I need to be and know that I won't scare her off. I love our relationship, but I need more. She has supported me through the worst life has thrown at me, and I love her like a sister, but I need physical arms to hug me. I need another mom who has also waded through a discarded diaper and it's contents that day to site with me, have that cup of coffee and just laugh. Is that even real life? Does that exist? Can I expect that from an adult relationship?

Adult friendships are hard. Like, REALLY hard. Now that I am a mom, I find that they are even harder. The only place I see people is at bible study, and while it is nice, and I enjoy the ladies, they don't know me and I really don't know them. I feel like asking one of them to a coffee date would be much like a high school boy asking a girl who is way out of his league to prom. I have no experience in this area. Besides, in order to have a conversation over my favorite beverage, and actually really enjoy it, both of us would have to find someone to watch our kids -and that's just too much work. A park date could work, but the few times I've tried to meet moms at the park have turned into them enjoying one another and me, and my anxiety, trailing my son making sure he doesn't kill himself on the crazy equipment. (Or run into the street chasing the tractor that is mowing the green space - yes, he has tried to do that) I guess I could try the unthinkable and have someone into my home, but I can't guarantee how clean it will be, or that there won't be a dog poop on the playroom floor. I feel like having a first mom date at my house would be like going to 2nd base with a stranger. *No thank you* Going to their house is even more out of the question. I would hate to end our date forking over cash for the family heirloom my son managed to break.

Besides, I mean, how do you DO it? What does it look like? Do you have one 'date', decide it's not a relationship you are willing to pursue, and not call them back? *AWKWARD* Do you move through your circle of moms, speed dating until you find your person, leaving behind you a trail of moms thinking you are completely and utterly weird? Do you forgo that idea of your mommy BFF, and settle for anything that has a pony tail and can drink coffee?

All of this has been going through my mind today. As I sat pondering it, I began to question why I feel such a need for affirmation and love from a source I can't even define. Do I need companionship that understands the phase of life I am in right now? Do I need someone I can be weird and childish with? Am I just looking for a person who can help me justify making that second pot of coffee (because I drank the first pot before noon - by myself) Am I looking for a built-in friend for my son? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe there is a bit of truth in all of those reasons. No matter the reason, I came to the conclusion that no human can satisfy me in the soul satisfying way I need. Only my Heavenly Father can be everything I need. I don't know when, or even if, I will even find someone I can truly be MBF (Mom Best Friends) with, and I'm ok with that.

Just like other areas of my life, being ok with it doesn't mean I won't occasionally regret it or have days where I wished it weren't that way, but I am overall ok with God's plan and timing. He has a purpose for my life and my relationships, and it is bigger than I can even imagine. Worrying and obsessing over it won't change anything. I was reminded today how thankful I am for my one dear friend who loves me and how lucky I am to have her in my life.

God bottles up the prayers of his saints to be distributed when they are needed

"To be a Christian without prayer is no more possible than to be alive without breathing."
~Martin Luther

Our pastor has been doing a sermon series on prayer. He covered why we need to pray and how to pray. He started an initiative for being ONE at ONE as a church. We pause at 1pm, pray the Lord's Prayer and then pray about anything else we need to for a minute. This is simple, yet effective. There is a great sense of camaraderie and unity in knowing we are all praying at once. Last week, as the series finale, the church was invited to share about answered prayers. It was amazing to hear so many stories of God working in the lives of our congregation.

As I sat there listening, I felt impressed to share my story of answered prayer. I knew I needed to share, but I was incredibly nervous. I can speak in front of people, I've done it all my life, but speaking of something so personal always makes me cry. I couldn't cry in front of everyone - how embarrassing. As an added challenge to sharing, we were asked to keep it under 2 minutes. Trying to fit my testimony into two minutes and to keep it on the subject of answered prayer and not get off topic seemed nearly impossible.

As I sat, wringing my hands and waiting for my turn at the mike, I tried to think of what I would say but my mind went blank. The person before me was nearing the end of their time and I was tempted to panic. Instead, I whispered a quick prayer for the right words and stepped up to the mike. That I was even able to form an intelligent sentence was in itself answered prayer. Here is what I shared, or something like it:

"I come from a praying family. I have always been told that God bottles up the prayers of his saints to be distributed when they are needed. I am incredibly thankful for those prayers. I was going through a rough patch. When we were married a year, my husband had a terrible car accident. To this day he suffers from his injuries. This resulted in enormous strains, physically, emotionally and financially. Add to this, a diagnosis of infertility, and It felt like my life was spiraling out of control. At the risk of sounding like a spoiled child, my life was nothing like I had ever imagined it. I felt trapped. I was depressed and at the end of any rope I might have had.

One day I sat, just holding a bible that was given to me by my great-grandfather. I didn't know where to open it to, I just held it. I opened it to the front cover and read the note he had written to me. It told of how proud he was of me and reminded me that he had prayed for me every day of my life, something he had told me many times through the years. I remember breaking down and sobbing. I don't think I ever did open the bible to read it that day. I called my mom to tell her about that note and how grateful I was for it. I needed prayers and love more than I could say, and I really believe that those daily prayers prayed by a faithful man of God were poured out on me even when I didn't have the faith myself to carry me through or to even pray.

Nothing drastic changed immediately, we looked into adoption and foster care and found out that, at least for the time, those options were not for us. We wanted to pursue fertility treatments, but could not afford them. We continued with life as best we could. Fast forward quite a while, and we received a settlement from the wreck. That money was enough to pay off our medical debts, get IVF, make a nursery and go on a much-needed vacation. Praise God, our IVF worked, and on the first try. Our little boy is almost two.

Through the process there were many answered prayers, and I did learn to pray myself, but I truly believe that it was the prayers of faithful grandparents, parents and other loving family and friends that got us through."

It felt wonderful to share my story, in person, and to see people's reactions and feel encouraged. Sharing on my blog is great, and I have been told that I have helped many people and I know God can use written words, but to stuff down the fear and to share what God has done with a group of your peers and fellow believers is completely different. Online I have a certain anonymity and I get to carefully choose my words and craft sentences to fully convey my meaning. In person, I just have to be real. I have to trust that the words coming from my lips are correct and true. In person, emotion is conveyed that gets lost in print.

After walking back to my seat, I felt more a part of the church body. I shared a piece of my heart with them, and they didn't throw it back at me. They rejoiced with me and I even saw some tears in the congregation. Being a part of a church body is about so much more than just attending service once a week. Church is family. Church is a body of people united in a common purpose and in prayer for one another. I am so grateful to be a part of such a church.

We have to really make our health a priority

Health & fitness is something I really aspire to, but sometimes I really want that cheeseburger... or a nap. A group of friends I have begun to get involved with encouraged me to get a membership at the local YMCA. They all love the classes and the childcare that comes as a membership benefit. Almost reluctantly, I joined. I only took advantage of the cardio rooms for a couple of weeks until some of those moms urged me to join them in the classes. Talk about being outside of my comfort zone! Despite how nice and wonderful the instructor was, and how much I tried not to compare myself to the ladies in the class, I felt like a fish on land. Keeping up was brutal and I struggled to breathe. Despite my desire to walk out and never go back, I have actually made it a couple of other times. (YEAH me!!) I have even started to attend an Aqua Bootcamp once a week. It kicks my booty, but I really like the class.

My husband and I are both making serious strides to improve our health. We have been making (slow) progress for about a year now, but we know we have to really make our health a priority. We have tried to eat much healthier (and cleaner) foods, and have eliminated a lot of gluten from our diets. We have also made huge efforts to rid our home of many dangerous chemicals and toxins. While we are loving the results, we aren't just doing this for the sake of doing it. Nutrition (and over all health) plays a large role in reproduction and we are trying to give ourselves the best chances possible of conceiving. We know, we have been told we can't do it 'naturally' but, I'm not one to give up.

Here are some of the ways we are helping ourselves that you might want to also implement.

1. BOUNTIFUL BASKETS
I LOVE this co-op! You can order up to three of the conventional baskets at a time, and there are always fantastic add-ons, like sourdough bread, cases of blueberries, kits for making pie, etc. There is the option for purchasing a 100% organic basket, and instead of the $15 charge for the base basket, you pay I think an extra $10. All the products are significantly cheaper than purchasing the same product at the grocery store. Right now they are working to Bring Bountiful Local. Optimizing their routes and using local produce vendors, so they have temporarily halted the program while they improve it. I can't wait to get my next basket.

2. MY LOCAL FARMER'S MARKET
After I get my Bountiful Baskets on Saturday, I love to go to the local farmer's market for anything else I might need. Not only do I get a chance to fill my fridge with yummy, locally grown food, but I get to support local farmers and artisans. Even if I don't end up purchasing much, a trip to the market is always a fun experience. There are local crafters and artisans and the live music is usually pretty good.
I did try growing a container garden a few years ago, but after nursing 175 plants from seeds, I ended up harvesting a couple handfuls of veg and decided it wasn't worth my time. Some day I will live where I can have a nice, big garden.

3. MY FITBIT
It seems silly, but that little tracker really keeps me on my toes (literally.) I am usually in a competition with at least my mom and sister, and it keeps me accountable for my activity level. A couple of times I have been challenged by some dedicated runners who are in training, and I am proud to simply be in the top 3 or 4 of that group - winning isn't even an option. I usually average 13k steps a day when not in a challenge, but I set my goal at 9k. I know this is reverse psychology, but it works. I get a little encouragement and reward from my tracker as it buzzes on my arm, saying, "You can do it, you are almost there!" I am just a *little* competitive and I have gone on more walks / runs simply to get steps than I ever did before using the tracker.
Also, I had used a separate program for tracking my calories, weight, etc. but have recently switched to only using my FitBit app. I have a 16GB phone, and I never have enough storage on it - too many pictures of the kiddo - so it was nice to streamline my health apps.

4. WATER
Another feature I love about my FitBit tracker is that I can track my water intake. I try to get about 70oz. per day. Sometimes I do it, some days I don't. I should probably get more than that, according to the link above. (And I'm a nursing mama.) When I am drinking all the water I need, I don't have the cravings I would have without the water. My muscles feel better and I actually have more energy.

5.OUTSIDE
Despite the HOT HOT HOT summer we have had, my son and I have spent a lot of time outside. We are usually at the park, a friend's pool, or the local public pool. My son is a water baby and begs to go swimming. Not only is this good for my muscles and skin (I love that I am tan for the first time in years!) But we are getting our vitamin D in the most natural way possible. My mom's Dr. told her that getting outside for only 20 minutes per day without sun block (which we don't use as a rule) is fantastic for your health.

6. SUPPLEMENTS
We are currently taking a magnesium supplement morning and night, as well as our Young Living supplements. We have found that we love the supplements listed below. We sometimes switch them out for other options, and admittedly, sometimes we forget to take them, but when we are diligent to take our supplements on the schedule we have created for ourselves, we feel much better. Several of these are specifically for the gut. In all my research, I have found that the gut is incredibly important factor in our over all health.
Life 5 Probiotic
Essentialzyme
Essentialzymes-4
Digest + Cleanse
Balance Complete
NingXia Red & NingXia Nitro

What have you found helps you in your health goals? Feel free to share below!

Walking through a medical emergency or a lingering health condition wasn't what I signed up for.

"A marriage isn't defined as good when it simply lacks problems or when arguments are non-existent and issues are scarce...
A good marriage is to be seen as two people with the settled conviction that they will work through all and every issue in the healthiest way possible.
Reality is, two sinners WILL have issues but they CAN work through them, IF they are simply willing."
~Jackie Hill Perry

I have been doing some research on infertility and specifically on dealing with your partner's infertility. There are many great resources out there. I was actually shocked at how much there is if you know where to look. In my research, I came across several message boards and discussion groups dealing with the issue. After several hours of reading on the topic from many sources, I feel completely emotionally drained and morally disgusted. The number of people who would support a couple divorcing over the issue of infertility is shocking.

When I took my marriage vows, I naively promised to honor and cherish my husband for better or for worse, through sickness and health. I vowed to cling only unto him until death do us part. Neither one of us pictured our lives as anything other than 'normal.' As young, healthy people, we didn't plan for a major health crisis. I think we honestly pictured making chicken soup, snuggling under the covers and laughing at red, runny noses. At worst, we may have thought of nursing each other through a bad flu. (If we even gave it thought at all)

Walking through a medical emergency or a lingering health condition wasn't what I signed up for.

In our almost six years of marriage, we have gone through an incredible list of challenges. Two car crashes, both involving hospitalization, one involving multiple procedures, surgeries, and lingering complications. We have dealt with a whole list of marital issues, and even separated for a short while because of them. Not long after feeling like we were in a good place in our marriage, we went to the Dr. for help getting pregnant (after a couple of years of trying on our own). After many moths of testing and waiting, an infertility diagnosis wasn't what we were wanting.

After everything we had gone through, we should at least be able to make a baby. We deserved it. It seemed everyone we knew kept popping out babies left and right. Maybe we weren't doing it right. We tried everything. Positions, timing, diets, prayer, etc. Nothing worked. To add to the diagnosis, after further testing, we found out that it was male factor infertility. We were told that we should not only abandon our attempts at getting pregnant, but that we should immediately get on birth control. In the unlikely event that we were to conceive, we could end up with an unhealthy or disfigured baby. At worst, I would get pregnant, but it wouldn't be viable and would result in miscarriage. (Turns out, I have probably been pregnant many times but miscarried before I even knew) at best, we could end up taking care of a damaged child for the rest of our lives.

What a disheartening thing to hear. Not only can we not have kids, but we had just been told that we SHOULDN'T. Where do you go with that? How do you process it? A diagnosis is supposed to give you hope. Finally having a name for the invisible foe you have been battling is supposed to give you strength and a plan of attack, not bring you to a grinding halt and dash all hopes. Where was the hope? Where was our silver lining?

We both dealt with this news in our own way. I sunk into spiraling depression. I felt pulled deeper into it every single month I got my 'gift'. (Who ever thought to call it that?!) There was no hope. I even began to doubt God. If he really loved me, he would give me the desires of my heart. I had suffered enough, it was time for him to make a miracle happen. He didn't. (Not when I wanted it, or how I pictured it anyway.)

Through it all, despite the hurt and the anguish, I never wanted to divorce Cameron. Life wasn't turning out how I had pictured, but it was our life. I'm not saying I was a saint. We both had our moments of weakness. We fought and we yelled and we cried. I entertained those 'what if' thoughts, wondering how my life would have turned out had I married someone else, but I never once wanted to leave my husband.

Yes, being a mom has always been my lifelong dream. Even as a kid, I knew that if I were a mom, I could be happy with my life. I had other goals and aspirations, but always, those were second to motherhood. If I couldn't have that, my life as I had always envisioned would crumble. The foundation of who I thought I was would shift. How could I possibly handle it? Could I deal with a hurt this big?

I could, and I did. The thing is, I married my husband because I loved him. Yes, I dreamed of the future we could have together, but I was not promised anything when we got married other than him. I was not guaranteed a nice house, expensive shoes or vacations. I was simply guaranteed a life with this man, however long I was blessed to have him. That's it, nothing more.

Had I simply approached our union as a legally binding and confusing sperm donor program, yes, I would have divorced him. Who wouldn't? He couldn't fulfill his part of the contract.

HOWEVER, despite the fact that it is extremely difficult to implement, as christian wives, we are called to love our spouse even more than we love our children, and I really think that even means those hoped-for children I had dreamed of. Yes, you read that correctly. We should actually put the needs of our marriage and our spouse above that of our children.

I see my husband as much more than a sperm donor. When I married him, the two of us became one flesh. He is not infertile, WE are. WE are in a 50/50 partnership in this, shouldering the pain together. We are so blessed to be able to raise our son together and we couldn't imagine our lives without him. Had our IVF cycle not been successful, we would have been devestated. We would have probably had counseling and yes, there would have been struggles. We would have made the next step and faced the tough decisions TOGETHER.

We were one of the fortunate couples that had success with IVF. We had no guarantees going into it. The odds were against us. At the end of our cycle we only had one embryo. All our hopes were resting on this one baby that only had a 30% chance of implanting and completing our family. Because of this, we cemented in our minds that no matter what, we would be together. We loved each other and wanted a life together. No, it wouldn't look like we had pictured in our minds. Life is crazy, and it is hard to figure out, but we would figure it out together. Not raising our biological child was a real possibility for us, and it was scary and unknown, but we could do it... TOGETHER.

I can see others reading this and saying, "Yeah, but you got your baby. You aren't infertile any more. You are living your dream. What about me? You don't understand how bad it hurts to not get that baby. You can write about the 'high road' you *would* have taken had your IVF not worked, but you will never know how you would have actually handled it." I understand your feelings, and I mourn with you that you are not able to have children. However, I still struggle daily with our infertility. My son is 20 months old, and I long for him to have a sibling.

I see my friends and family produce multiple babies and I have to fight jealousy. I endure innocent remarks, asking when we are going to have another. I still want to run out and buy pregnancy tests when I'm a day late. (ok, maybe I have actually done it more than once.) I still want to snuggle all the new babies and my heart breaks with each pregnancy announcement I see or hear. This pain doesn't cheapen my love for my son, but there will always be an ache and a small part of my heart that yearns for something that only a miracle from God can provide.

I am absolutely brimming with nervous excitement over the possibilities that lay before me

“If we never had the courage to take a leap of faith, we'd be cheating God out of a chance to mount us up with wings like eagles and watch us soar.” ~Jen Stephens, The Heart's Journey Home

I can't sleep. I gave it my best shot, but my brain is WIDE awake. My body is rebelling at my brain, and I know will pay for it in the morning, but I am just way too excited about a new project I have in the works to take time for sleep. (And, there is a storm brewing outside, which always keeps me up)

I can't share details yet, partly because I really don't have them and partly because I need to sit on it for a while and pray about it, but I have a project I feel God has placed on my heart and I am excited to get started on it. I don't know how to begin and I don't know where it will lead me, but I am trusting that the vision he has given me he will help me to accomplish.

I am going to be taking a big leap of faith into some scary and challenging unknowns in the near future and I am going to be pushed far beyond my comfort zone for the sake of this project. I am absolutely brimming with nervous excitement over the possibilities that lay before me. The sky really is the limit with this project and the platform I have been given.

If you think about it, could you please pray for me and for my family as I navigate the unknown path I am going down? Pray that I stay focused on this project and that I don't loose my excitement for it. Pray that I can connect with the right people to help me along the way.

Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." This verse gives me courage to leap with my eyes wide open into this unknown and know that I am going to land in the perfect place. Now, I don't read this verse as guaranteeing my success in this venture - I could fall flat on my nose - but I know that as long as I am working on it that it is blessed by God and good will come from it. The finished 'product' may be forgotten, but the work will be worth it. I just know it!

Have you ever taken a leap of faith and done something scary that you weren't sure you were capable of? Have you ever felt inadequate for a task you have been felt called to complete? I would love to hear about your leap of faith. Share your story in the comments below.

IVF Survival Kit

When we began our IVF cycle I was a happy, nervous and excited mess. Just the day before we began treatments I woke up feeling hopeful but not optimistic. Our appointment that afternoon was, in our minds, one in which we were going to look through a catalog of sperm donors and choose the one that most resembled my husband. By that evening I was basking in the knowledge that we would be having our own biological baby. Our Reproductive Endocrinologist assured us that he could work with our own material. Wow! That was shocking enough, but he added another surprise. We would begin our treatments THE NEXT DAY.

The process really was a blur, and went by (in hind sight) incredibly fast. I remember, I was on my first medication and it was making me bloat and causing me to be irritable and grumpy. I was visiting with my Aunt and Cousin and they surprised me with a survival kit. It was full of little items to help me to get through the process with my sanity in tact. I still remember being so incredibly blessed by their thoughtfulness.

If you know someone going through the process or if you are going to be going through the process yourself, here is a list of items you might consider adding to your survival kit. This list might be a little different, as I prefer some more organic options, but I will include both traditional and homeopathic options for you.

1. Heating Pad
A lot of the process is painful. After retrieval and even as the ovaries are growing (and then shrinking) abdominal cramps are very common. A simple microwaveable rice or corn bag can do wonders to ease the discomfort. If your friend is going to be alone after retrieval though, it would be really nice to have one that plugs in, so she doesn't have to make multiple trips to the microwave.

2. Ice Pack
Shots. So many shots. Your friend will feel like a human pin cushion. She will run out of acceptable places to have her shot. Icing the area prior to getting a shot really helps it to not hurt as much. Also, my butt and hips ached from all the shots and switching between a heating pad and an ice pack really helped me manage the swelling and pain.

3. Journal
Even if your friend isn't the sentimental type get her a journal and encourage her to write in it every day. The hormones she is getting injected with are going to do crazy things to her. Journaling her thoughts will not only help to keep her sane, but it could save her marriage. I love being able to look back on the daily entries in my journal I kept during that time. It has also been wonderful to be able to have exact details to be able to share with friends and family who have gone through the process.

4. Colored Pencils
Even if your friend doesn't write in her journal, she might draw to relieve some stress.

5. Neck Cooler
Hot flashes are a real thing. A personal fan, a neck cooler you can soak in water, or something of this nature is fantastic. Peppermint oil would be an awesome gift. Just a dab on the wrist and the back of the neck can cool you down really quickly.

6. Silly Puddy or Stress Ball
I love this simple stress reliever. It gives your friend something physical she can do to take out her stress and tension.

7. Tissues
Hormones make a mess of your body and your emotions. Tissues are always a good idea.

8. Deck of Cards
For killing time either in the treatment center or during those times your friend will be forced to take it easy. It really does take great effort to take it easy when your brain can't shut down.

9. Fun Band-Aids
For all those shots and blood draws. Both my arms and hips were bruised and battered before the process was over. With a nightly shot comes a nightly bandaid application.

10. Pain Reliever
Even as natural as I can be, I took Tyenol during my cycle. I just hurt ALL over inside and out. Another option is Cool Azul Pain Cream for muscle aches and for those injection sites.

11. Chocolate
Because... Chocolate.

12. Salty Snack
I know, we are not supposed to use food as boredom busters, but sometimes you have no choice.

13. Warm, Fuzzy socks
I love socks. My feet are almost never bare, and the fuzzier their coverings, the happier they are. As your friend is resting, a fun pair of socks could give her a reason to smile.

14. itunes Gift Card
New music, or a good movie or book is always a fun treat. This can help to pass the time and take your friend's mind off of her LONG two week wait.

15. Colace
Because hormones are no friend to your colon and they WILL make you constipated.

16. Essential Oils
I'm not just saying this because I love them. Essential oils can really help in this process.
Joy - Diffused, or applied just over the heart, this oil can really help to lift your mood.
Lavender - known for it's calming abilities, this would be good for helping your friend to relax. A couple drops in a tub with some epsom salts would make her feel like she is at a spa.
Orange - Diffused, this oil really helps to elevate the mood and uplifts the spirits.
There are MANY others I could recommend, but these would be my favorite ones.

I'm sure there are many items I failed to list. If you have gone through this process, what is something that helped you through it? Is there something you really wish you had at the time?

You are enough. God gave you your talents and desires and He can give you the courage to do something with them.

"Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God."
~Leo Buscaglia

Today was a mommy first for me. A friend invited H and me over for a play date. It was spontaneous and wonderful. The kids got a chance to play and be wild, and I even relaxed enough to let H out of my sight (and he did just fine without me.) It was nice to sit and talk grownup stuff one-on-one with another tall person who isn't my husband.

This friend is a fellow writer and we got to talk 'shop' about our goals and hopes for our writing. We actually have a lot in common. Our conversation got me to thinking about my writing and why I do it. Why do I take the time to write the things I write? Why do I think anyone cares? I've struggled with the answer to that question for a while now. I've always wanted to be a writer. From my very earliest years, I was constantly writing and coming up with plot lines and characters. My office closet is full of spiral notebooks, filled from cover to cover in my childish handwriting.

Despite my love of writing, I could never take myself seriously. I never had confidence enough in myself to think of myself as an author. I would read other people's works and be happy for them and be glad for their success, and know I could write as well as them, but I never dreamed I could go down that path and be successful. Why? The only thing they had that I didn't was confidence in their abilities. I wouldn't even say that many had more experience writing - the library of my books in the office is testament enough to that.

Maybe I didn't think people would care about what I had to say. Maybe the stories I had to tell were not up to par with other authors' stories. I would tell myself not to try because there were others much more talented than me out there. Only the truly deserving would make it. Why didn't I think I was deserving? Why did I put myself down for so long?

I don't know if I will ever answer all the why's that kept me from doing what I love, but I'm not going to let them stop me. I am going to write and tell my stories. I am going to share what is in my heart, the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm not going to live in fear of a stranger's rejection of my work. I write for me. I write to fulfill that longing I've had since childhood. I write to share my story with others. I'm not anticipating changing the world, but if I can make someone laugh, stop and think, or open their minds to a subject, then I have accomplished something.

One of the topics I cover most is our journey through infertility. It takes a lot out of me to articulate my thoughts and emotions on the most sensitive subject in my life. It takes courage to publish an article, publicly showcasing our struggles. Why do it? Why put myself out there? The answer is simple. I can help others. I have a story to tell, and my experience has already helped several couples who are also struggling. Because I took the time to write down the details as we were going through the process, I have been able to hold the hand of other ladies as they navigate their own infertility. I know how special that is because it is others who were willing to share their story that helped me through my horrific IVF cycle.

I would encourage you to do something that scares you. If you have a dream, don't let anyone or anything take it from you. As with my writing, and many other areas of my life, I have always been my own worst enemy and my own harshest critic. Don't hide your talents in the closet. Don't put yourself down because someone else might be better than you. You are enough. God gave you your talents and desires and He can give you the courage to do something with them. You never know who is going to hear, read or see your creations and be inspired, blessed or challenged because of you.